Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

7,000 horses and a monster

"She was sweaty, so god damned sweaty. The love ran through her veins, PCP, Gorilla, some called it. They chased the kitten every night, knowing to catch it would be to die. It was drive, in gear and full throttle. Her eyes met his, the evening was mature, time was exploding in their minds. Mountains grew and fell with his heartbeat, deadly was his gaze. Dirt in their hair, they played the whole night through. The toddlers, three and four, started to come down. An engine started to roar in the children, 7,000 horses under the hood. Destruction would rain tonight, their city would break."

What a good story the father thought as he read it back to himself. "I'm a brilliant man, what will I think of next," he thought as he closed his notebook and fell into his dreams.
At work the next day he boasted about his new tale, no one seemed to care. He got depressed and chugged a bottle of vodka in the backseat of his boxy little Scion. He drove home drunk, he didn't give even one little fuck about the events that transpired that afternoon while he walked in the door to his home. He said what he felt, he did what he needed. his children hugged him at the waist making a squishy noise. They seemed confused, they stepped back. "Your fathers messed his pants. Your mother's going to be angry seeing as that I'm wearing her crotchlesses." Just as he finished his wife came down holding the notebook with his story inside, she seemed angry as he fell to the floor passed out.
In his dream he was playing in a mud mess. When he woke he was rolling around in his front yard half naked wearing a black face of poop. The wife had found his book and was upset about a few sections of his story. Mostly about her husband naming himself specifically in the story titled: "Remember When I Raped a Monster?" ( and believe me he recalled it vividly)

EXCERPT:"I opened the closet, because I saw a stiff pole sticking out from between the sliding doors. Needless to say I choked on it. Oh and it wasn't a monster..."

As she walked out onto the balcony of the master bedroom that overlooked the front lawn, the woman said, "what do you have to say about this story of the monster?" He replied, " don't wake it!" She gasped. He put a finger to his lips,"SSSssshhhhhhh." But at that moment she heard stirring from behind her. He heard it to and yelled,"WATCH OUT! That's no monster, it's a bear... The stirring grew louder there was no way out, she was on the second story and the closet was right next to the door. The door opened and with a roar the hefty naked gay man walked out , and she said "well I guess you're out of the closet now!" The bear was angry a woman had woke him and instead of the spindle queer who lived there. A man scream roared from the bear. He shit in his hand and threw it at her, a chip shot off her mouth. He then ripped her leg off and chopped her boob off with it, then he filled his belly with her oily meats and headed for the lawn. The two men fucked missionary on the lawn for hours, a white squirt fountain ensued. Beautiful.


Tuesday, February 17, 2009

earth worm

A child became man. He lost all innocence on the night of his bar mitzvah, he drank whiskey and played with wieners til dark became light and the day was born once again. He did not feel ashamed of the man he had become, in fact he felt proud. Proud of the metaphoric dance he had done the night before, the game of cat and mouse. But today was new and fresh, a blank canvas to paint his new skills upon. And so he slept...
Late afternoon, sky is blood red. While waking he felt rage in his belly the, the drugs had wore off. His roll had ended in a halt so still. He recalled the night before, he only had one memory; It was him, under spotlight, in silken garb. He looked fancy, that brought glee to his eyes.
There were bespectacled gentlemen all around him. One in sexual trance, emitting voice of an aghast beast. Another dapper as can be, watching from a far. Him, with a Medusa's head of cock hair. WAIT WHAT!?!? he exclaimed with ball sack free falsetto. Until last night girls were on his mind and now snakes creeping down his cavernous tum-tum! This was absurd, an act like that would never happen to such a strapping young lad like himself, but could it have?
He decided to take a shower, cool off and forget this horrible nightmare. He undid his robe and as he let it fall off his back while he stared over his shoulder into the mirror like a classy call girl, then he noticed the marks. One there and there and even there. Some small, some large, some black, some blue. He convinced himself these were medals of honor, that he took it like a man. But when he looked closer it became clear to him that these were tattoos of men's penises dipped in henna ink, then pressed against him. He looked like a zebra. One of these tats had a distinct look to it, long and thin like an earthworm, he trembled.
He came downstairs for breakfast and filled his belly. " Oh great" he mumbled as his father walked in just out of his field of vision, "now I look like a PREGNANT COCK COVERED FREAK!!!" "What was that son?"his father replied. "oh nothing daddy, can i have some money for the mall today?" His dad said " sure but what about last night, huh? " The son didn't know what to do or say. The dad added " so what happened after we gave you your henna tattoos, we left after that? " The son could not believe his ears, eyes wide, senses high, he stood up. "YOU DID THIS TO ME!!!???" he yelled as he tore off his robe. " His dad seemed shocked at the amount of hot man sausage that has grazed his sons porcelain skin. He stood up and pointed to his son's lower back. The son looked in the mirror on the wall and saw that their was his dads signature inside a butterfly in henna ink next to the rest of his family's. "We thought it would be funny, you were drunk for the first time, you hate tramp stamps, but what has become of you!?" The father ran upstairs and slammed the bathroom door, his son ran after him. He paused for a second at the door and then opened it as he said " I'm Sorry." His dad had just finished peeing and turned around surprised with his genitalia still exposed.....................EARTH WORM!!!!!!!

The enD

Friday, January 23, 2009

Sunday, January 18, 2009

The Minions have Arrived

The Twelve Minions

There once lived a child, age fifteen, who crawled about the sewers endlessly on his days away from school. He did it as a sort of relaxation technique. The boy would crawl until he could crawl no more then spend the night wherever he ended up passing out from exhaustion, then he would awake and find his way back out. The boy a slender type with a pencil thin white trash mustache and a crew cut. Wore a leotard
because it made him feel catlike and slippery. Just to think about his days in the tunnels brought him the utmost joy during his darkest times. He knew he could never quit this love of his.
On the eve of Christmas, when the sun was at its low point in the sky he got a taste for his drug and decided to make a short venture in to the manhole that night of nights. He packed up his things and slipped in to his ‘tard. As he stepped out the door he second guessed himself for the first time ever, but he ignored the notion and went along skipping down to the center of the neighborhood where his favorite sewer lid which he called Condom Turnpike awaited him. He checked to make sure there was in fact no one watching then sprang the lid and down right in covering the hole as he did. The tunnel was dark but he had developed his night vision over the years and could see clear as day. He walked along the rivers edge as it sloped downward . He was walking when he realized that it was firelight he was seeing not his superhuman night vision.
He crept into the room quit not to wake the sleeping lady from her slumber. As the fire crackled he moved toward the exit of her lair. Just as he was about to exit he kicked a small dog into the fire completely on purpose. This woke the woman because she could sense her dogs pain. The woman said, “wait young one.” He said, “why should I.” She said because I have a proposal for you.” So the boy sat. She said, “ if you give each one of my dogs one kiss, I will give you a small prize in return. I have twelve dogs so the is twelve prizes.” The boy stood up so excitedly that he didn’t notice he was fully erect, and poked the woman in her adams apple. He did not apologize or feel any remorse but instead stood there forcing her to awkwardly pretend not to notice it. After about five minutes of that he circled the room cutely pecking each dog once and frenching the last to the point of Chihuahua orgasm. She said very well and gave him twelve prizes the first five where McDonalds toys and the second seven where audio tapes of her watching tennis matches. He was ecstatic with happiness and said , “ I want a slave for Christmas and I think I just found one.” After saying this he ripped the dog she was holding out of her grasp and jumped into the shit river. He drifted till morning and took it on home.

Ten years later when the boy was age twenty five he was living alone in his own house. His dog was older now and had a little goatee for character. He was having breakfast one morning when he heard a knock at his door. He went to see who it was and when he opened it he was pleasantly surprised to see the woman and her twelve dead dogs skeletal remains on leashes dragging behind her . He said,” hey baby wanna’ screw?” She said,” I have been knocking door to door for the past ten years looking for you and my little doggie. Now where is he?” He handed her the dog and she immediately ate him alive in one bite. He says, “ aww shucks why would you do that sweetie?” The woman replied, “because he was a hot dog, get it?” The man then punched her head clean off her body. THE END

MAN 2.ot

A piece brought forth with much pretense and consultation with my own innards.